RUSH LIMBAUGH NAMED SATAN’S EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH FOR RECORD BREAKING 207th TIME
By R J Shulman
GATES OF HELL – National radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh has been named “Employee of the Month,” by Satan of Helliburton, Inc., for a 207th time, breaking the record held for over sixty years by Adolf Hitler. “The Furher dude was filled with a little more evil,” said Bobo, of the Flying Monkey Corps Division, “Rush has just been able to last a bit longer.”

“What is so amazing about Rush’s talent,” said Satan, “is that he’s been able to convince poor people they need to sacrifice their own needs to protect the profits of the ultra rich. He’s convinced the American public it’s perfectly OK for the government to snoop in their personal lives but not Limbaugh’s own medical records and has millions of fans convinced that the biggest threat to America’s future are elitist liberal homosexual feminists who want to retrieve the money the rich just stole from these very listeners. And you think I’m the one with the silver tongue,” Satin continued, “Now he’s working on bringing back child labor, indentured servitude, debtors prisons and women as men’s property. Bravo, El Rushbo!”

“It’s like the American public are lowly college fraternity pledges,” said Enoch Lightly, of the Rand Institute, “Limbaugh whacks them on their posterior with a giant paddle and they respond with, “thank you Sir, give me another.” “What I don’t get is both his resilience and his immunity to God’s message,” said Reverend Carlson Masters of the United Church of Christ of La Salle, Iowa, “the good Lord strikes him deaf, and when divine forces restore his hearing, he continues to spout hatred, fear and division.” “I don’t get it either,” said Rabbi Goldberg of Temple Beth Israel of Hawthorne, North Dakota. “Ditto for me,” said Winston Claiborne of Yale Divinity School.

Not everyone is pleased with the horned one’s decision. “I should have been employee of the month,” said Dick Cheney. “Limbaugh’s just some drug-addled blowhard who never gets off his pimpled ass to physically hurt anyone and whose only claim to fame is convincing Republicans in Indiana who hate Hilary Clinton more than death and taxes to vote for the damn broad. Look at me, Satan. I am torturing, stealing and lying and that’s before my first cup of morning coffee. Just who do I have to kill around here to get recognition?”

To celebrate his record breaking feat, Limbaugh has been invited to George W. Bush’s Crawford, Texas ranch. “He’s been such a mission accomplisher,” Bush said, “that I’m having him over to my spread where I will put food on his family.” After the picnic, Rush has been invited to accompany Dick Cheney on a hunting trip at some remote undisclosed area of Texas.