DEMS TO PICK NOMINEE AFTER THE NOVEMBER ELECTION
by R J Shulman
INDIANAPOLIS - Due to the continued closeness of the race for the Presidential nomination between Senators Clinton and Obama, Democratic Party leadership announced today that despite the results of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries, the party will wait until after the November election to pick its candidate. “It is not fair to rush to judgment,” said Party Chairman Howard Dean, “Democrats have made it clear that they need time to make up their mind and even the August convention will be too early. Unlike the Republicans, we will simply not march in lock step behind some hastily chosen candidate.”

“I won’t quit when so many people have counted on me to lead the ticket to victory,” said Hillary Clinton. “The person in the lead should never drop out,” said Barack Obama. “One of the functions of a super-delegate,” said Alfredo Vacilar, an undecided delegate from California, “is to be super careful about who we choose.”

When told that making the selection after the November election assures John McCain the Presidency, a democratic spokesman said, “Why should something like an election get in the way of the democratic process?” While many have criticized the Democrats for their procrastination, political analyst Martin Scoffield said “If you think the Democrats are dumb, then they are dumb like foxes. Who in their right mind would want to inherit the mess left by George W. Bush.”