DC MADAM COMMITS SUICIDE TO PROTECT HER FORMER CLIENTS
by R J Shulman
TARPON SPRINGS, Florida – Police confirmed that the woman convicted of running a high-end prostitution ring in Washington committed suicide at her mother’s home on the Florida Gulf Coast. The body of 52 year old Deborah Jean Palfrey was found by her mother in a little storage shed behind her pink and white manufactured home.

“The suicide note said that she would rather die than divulge the names of certain high level and powerful clients,” said Carl Davis a police spokesman. The note said that she might be tortured in jail by other inmates or by the National Inquirer to give up the names of very powerful and scary men who had used her escort service. Even though evidence indicated Ms. Palfrey was dead for a few hours before she hung herself, police are convinced it is a suicide due to the notes left by her body. “She must have been really distraught when she wrote the note,” said a police spokesman, “because she spelled her own name wrong.”

Palfrey’s mother said that she was awaked by a noise coming from the shed behind her house where the body of her daughter was found. Blanche Palfrey told police that, “a nice man who was rapidly walking away from my shed said he would introduce me to Ed McMahan if I forgot I ever saw him near the shed and I said, honey at my age I forget, now what did you ask me to forget?”

Deborah Palfrey was awaiting sentencing for money laundering and racketeering. While the names of some of her clients, including Louisiana Senator David Vitter had already been divulged, there were rumors that Ms. Palfrey had a second client list that only she was privy to.

Ms. Palfrey is the second person connected with the DC Madam scandal to commit suicide rather than be forced to give the names of their clients. Former University of Maryland Professor Brandy Britton, who had been convicted of prostitution, killed herself in January, with a rifle shot to the back of her head.

“Now I would never use Debbi’s hot little escort company,” said a high placed government figure who wished to remain anonymous, “but I can say she sure did the patriotic thing to sacrifice her life to keep terrorists from discovering national secrets that could soil the name of an upstanding government official who liked a full figured woman in a red bra and panties to walk all over his sweaty back while singing “God Bless America, not that I could know anything about what went on in room 37 of the Bethesda Dew Drop Inn.”

The death of the DC madam,” said President Bush, “is proof the surge is working.”