McCAIN VISITS NEW ORLEANS:IF I WE’RE PRESIDENT I WOULD HAVE NUKED KATRINA FIRST
By R J Shulman
NEW ORLEANS – Senator John McCain made a visit today to view the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. “This is not as safe as walking in Baghdad,” McCain said as he walked through the devastated lower 9th ward. “Of course, if I’d been President, I’d never have allowed this to happen. I ‘d have used nuclear missiles to destroy Hurricane Katrina before it could hit New Orleans.” McCain promised as President, if needed he would fight hurricanes for one hundred years.

“John has assured me,” said Reverend John Hagee, a McCain supporter, “that he will help prevent future natural disasters by banning gay parades which bring the wrath of God to reign upon any city planning gay parades that will be especially flamboyant like the one scheduled for New Orleans right around the time of Katrina.” Senator Larry Craig said, “I am not going to one of those parades. I have never gone to one of those parades.”

“No one could have known,” said President Bush, “that McCain would visit New Orleans, the Croissant City, so it’s not my fault I wasn’t prepared for his comments about how I should’ve used them nukes for a preemptive strike on the terrorist killer hurricane sos New Orleans wouldn’t have had to split it’s Levis. But if I nuked first, how could Brownie have done a heck of a job?”