CHENEY REPLACES ROVE AS CHAIRMAN OF OCTOBER SURPRISE COMMITTEE
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – Vice President Dick Cheney announced that he is naming himself as the head of the October Surprise Committee replacing long time Chairman Karl Rove. “Karl got soft from all his reporting and commentating,” Cheney said, “so as head of the new Chairman search Committee, I named myself as Karl’s successor.”

One of the complaints against Rove was that he was using the old school strategy of letting Senators Clinton and Obama fight it out to self-destruct the Democrats. “The problem with that,” Cheney said, “is that would make McCain the winner and McCain is a wuss who can’t hold up under torture. The first bit of pressure, and he might give it up that he knows nothing about the economy. What Karl doesn’t understand is it’s not about the Republicans winning the election, it’s about keeping me and Bush in office. As new Chairman, I’m looking at strategies to convince Americans that holding the Presidential elections would support the terrorists. One plan is in late October, to tell Americans that Osama Bin Laden is in Teheran so we’ll have to invade Iran and therefore can’t change horses in the middle of shock and awe. Another idea is to spread the word that little green islamofascists from outer space are invading, you know illegal aliens in turbans. Then we will have no choice but to declare marshal law and call off the elections.”

Calling off the elections even this early may be too late,” said George Stephanopolus from ABC-TV. Diebold has already given us the election results and McCain has been declared the winner with 52.4% of the vote.