IN CHANGE OF WEDDING PLANS, JENNA BUSH TO WED SAUDI PRINCE, BARBARA TO MARRY CHINESE GENERAL
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – Just months after the White House confirmed that Jenna Bush would marry Henry Hagar, the 29 year old son of former Virginia Lieutenant governor John Hagar, President Bush announced that Jenna will be marrying 58 year old Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia. “When the Prince came to me and told me he wanted to marry Jenna,” the President said, “I said, ‘done deal,’ just like on Deal or no Deal that show that I cameo appeared on.” When asked about this sudden change of engagement from Hagar, a man that George W. Bush had called Jenna’s “soulmate,” Bush said, “the Prince is more soulmatey than Henry,” who was promised a job with Blackwater in Iraq. His royal highness Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdulaziz had recently been appointed Secretary General of the National Security Council by Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques King Abdullah of Suadi Arabia. Jenna, who recently entered a clinic for an unknown ailment was unavailable for comment.

In a related story, Jenna’s twin sister Barbara announced her engagement to General Zhu Chenghu, a top Chinese General. General Zhu had become known in world circles for his comments that he would not rule out the use of nuclear weapons against the United States if there was ever a skirmish over Taiwan. “If I have to for the good of the country,” Barbara said, before she was taken to the hospital for an apparent case of alcohol poisoning, “I’ll marry the wrinkled yellow bastard.”

“My granddaughters were headed for disastrous marriages to weak individuals,” said Barabara Bush, the President’s mother, “so these sudden marriages should work out well for them.” “It will work out for the US,” said Harold Winnokur, a senior researcher at Rand Institute, “as now Saudi Arabia won’t call in the US debt and China will hold off on their long range nuclear missiles, the ones aimed at the US.

“Georgie is going to have the two sons he always wished he had,” said Laura Bush, who seemed to be moved to tears.” “I am pleased at these arrangements,” said Dick Cheney, “because if those two spoiled brats didn’t choose to marry those fine gentlemen, we would be hit again and hit hard.”