CAL SUPREME COURT OKS GAY MARRIAGE; MILLIONS OF GOOD MARRIAGES NOW COMPLETELY RUINED
By R J Shulman
SACREMENTO – As a direct result of today’s California Supreme Court’s 4-3 ruling rejecting state laws that banned same sex marriage, millions of traditional marriages have fallen apart. “Jennifer and me had the storybook marriage,” said Duane Hastings of Davis, California, “but now that gays can be married, we are off to the divorce court.” The Hastings are not alone as evidenced by the ringing of the telephones of divorce lawyers have echoed across the state.

Another widespread concern is the effect that gay marriage will have on the children. “I am so afraid,” said Wendy Groelisch of Julian, “that when my kids see a happily married homosexual couple walking down the street, it will instantly turn them gay.” “California has made a mistake of biblical proportions,” said Reverend Jimmy Lee Harley of the Brimstone Evangelical Church of Ukiah. “Now, for the first time, due to God’s displeasure with our gay supporting ways, our beautiful idyllic state will be subject to earthquakes, fires, mud slides and a Hollywood actor being elected Governor.”

“There is some good news about the Court’s decision,” said Matthew Zlodnick of Sherman Oaks, “now that California is a gay state, we can ban Senator McCain and his stupid straight-talk express.

Upon hearing today’s decision, Idaho Senator Larry Craig said, “I am not on the Supreme Court. I have never been on the Supreme Court. But if I were and it came to the issue of gay marriage, my stance would be wide.”

“I guess I am against those people in California marrying anything they want to,” said President George Bush. “It’s just not right with God for some guy to marry a tree although I must say when clearing the brush on my ranch, I’ve met some mighty attractive twigs.”