McCAIN REJECTS HAGEE ENDORSEMENT; CONTEMPLATES REPUTIATING SUPPORT FROM SATAN
By R J Shulman
PHOENIX - Just a week after Senator McCain severed ties with Reverend John Hagee for saying that Hitler’s extermination of the Jews was part of God’s plan, McCain is faced with a similar dilemma after he received the endorsement from Satan. “I know he is kind of creepy to some,” McCain said, “but without his help in stirring up fear and hatred, I don’t know if I can get enough votes in November. I worked hard for his endorsement,” McCain continued, “But now some do-gooders are spinning negatives about the Horned-one and me. What I can say at this point is that Satan’s support of my campaign is not as bad as some what some other Presidential candidates have done as Satan is not some black preacher whose church I belonged to for twenty years.”

“We are worried that if the Senator rejects Satan’s endorsement he will immediately lose the support of Bush, Cheney and at least half of the Republican Party,” said Charles Worth, Jr., McCain’s new National Finance Co-Chair who replaced Thomas Loffler, who resigned in light of his lobbying for dubious foreign governments and over seas corporations.

McCain said that he will make his decision about whether he will accept Satan’s support by the end of next week. McCain told the Post-Time-Sun-Dispatch, “I’ll let you know my decision about Satan after I do a bit of soul searching.”