HALLIBURTON WINS $9 BILLION NO-BID CONTRACT TO FIX SPACE STATION TOILET
By R J Shulman
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. – Halliburton is no Johnny-come-lately to solving difficult and unique problems and their latest project is no exception – supplying a new pump to repair the malfunctioning john on the International Space Station. “When we heard that the Russian built toilet quit working, we were flush with excitement because we knew just how to fix the problem with our good old American ingenuity,” said Halliburton CEO Ted Lasar from their Dubai office.

“We had to forgo the usual bid procedure,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “as it was imperative we fix the unit immediately, if you will, because the sanitary condition on the space station was in its final throes.” “Nine billion is a bargain,” said a NASA spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous, as they parked their brand new Lexus, “because you don’t want to be caught SOL up there. They might not hear you scream in space, but they can still smell you.”

Halliburton’s next project will also involve a clean-up of sorts. “We hear there is a real mess over at Scottie McClellan’s house,” said Sid Bartolo a company spokesman, “and we need to take care of it before there are any more unfortunate leaks.”