BUSH TO DETAIN SUPREME COURT JUSTICES WHO RULED AGAINST HIM ON RIGHTS OF DETAINEES
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush struck back today against a deeply divided Supreme Court who handed him a stinging defeat when they ruled that foreign detainees held for years at Guantanamo Bay have the right to appeal to U.S. civilian courts. “I have declared those five Justices who voted against me as enemy combatants,” Bush said, “and they are on their way to a secret prison. How could they think they were the deciders? I am the decider and if I decide that hideous corpus is from old Europe and is no longer American, than there is not longer any hideous corpus.”

“We at the justice department agree with the President’s actions,” said Attorney General Michael Mukasey, “the Supreme Court erroneously granted special rights to the foreigners, special rights like a the right to know what they are being charged with and the right not to be railroaded to an execution for political gain. Where in the Constitution does it say you can’t be railroaded to an execution for political gain?”

“I am glad George got rid of those pansies,” said Justice Scalia, who in a blistering dissent said Americans by the scores would die if the US could no longer abuse the detainees, “that gang of five made me sick with their compassion and love for the law. There is no place for that on the Supreme Court.”

Vice President Cheney has been named by Bush to head up a special committee to find Justices to replace the five departed Justices. “I narrowed it down to one candidate to become a Supreme Court Justice,” Cheney said, “I propose that this candidate will get five votes and that this candidate is me. It makes sense as I feel so comfortable in a black robe.”