BUSH SAYS FAREWELL TO EUROPE, CONTINENT PREPARES FOR THE END
By R J Shulman
PARIS – President Bush announced today that he will be sad to have to say goodbye to Europe, but because they will not back his plans to attack Iran, Europe will have to go first. “If they can’t join ya, you gotta fight them, so I’ll have to shock and awe old Europe back to the stoner age. I’ll start with Spain,” he said, “because they have too many people speaking Spanish in the workplace.”

While House Press Secretary Dana Perino said, “He will then bomb London, then Paris. He tried to talk to the Iranians by going to Europe and not Iran itself, just like his successful strategy of attacking Iraq to get to Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. This shows the strength of purpose of a great leader.”

Not everyone supports the Presidents plans to level the whole European continent. “When I wrote my song Political Science thirty-five years ago,” said songwriter Randy Newman, “and sang about dropping the big one, you know ‘boom goes London, boom Paris,’ it was supposed to be satire, not frickin prophesy.”

“I believe, if you will,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “that Europe is in its final throes.