BUSH REQUIRES EMPLOYERS TO CONDUCT BACKGROUND CHECKS TO KEEP ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FROM TAKING GOOD JOBS
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – President Bush signed an executive order requiring contractors and others who do business with the federal government to perform background checks to bar illegal immigrants from obtaining work. “These governmental jobs tend to be the more high paying jobs than the low paying jobs,” Bush said. “and we need to keep the higher paid jobs for Americans, while making sure the illegals can stick to what they do best which is the busboys, maids and the construction of the wall between the US and Mexico.”

“We aim to keep the costs of these background checks low to employers,” said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, “so we are not requiring employers to check for criminal records, gun crimes, embezzlement or terrorist activities. Our bottom line is to protect the Americans from the most frightening employment problem of all - employees speaking Spanish in the workplace.” Commerce Secretary Carlos Gutierrez planned to hold a news conference to discuss the President’s new directive, but was detained due to a suspicious last name.

“This new Presidential order will go a long way to enforce the immigration laws,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “We can’t have the government turn the other way and not enforce laws. Just how dangerous would it be for the American people if the FDA did not enforce laws regarding tainted food or if the EPA was lax on enforcing laws against pollution?”