BUSH URGES CONGRESS TO PASS BILL ENCOURAGING AMERICANS TO DRILL FOR OIL IN THEIR OWN BACK YARD
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - As a reaction to the rising cost of gasoline, President Bush urged Congress to pass his Protect Earth Bill, better known as the No Dinosaur Left Behind Act, which gives tax incentives to anyone who drills for oil in their back yard. “We need all Americans to throw their hand in the ring to help the energy crisis,” the President said, “so I’m not only de-banning the Democrat ban on oil expatriation that we need to have, but give a tax break to anyone who becomes their own backyard wildcatter.”

To qualify for the tax incentive, a person would have to purchase special drilling equipment from Halliburton who won a no-bid contract to provide the necessary equipment.

“Would you rather we drill over there,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “or drill over here?” “This is a bold and necessary move by the President,” said White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, “Americans must pitch in to suck our country dry first before we have to use foreign oil, just like the President sucked our treasury dry before we needed all these foreign investments to keep us going.”

“I expect those whining, wimpy, weak-kneed name-calling Democrat traitors will try and block the President because they care more about eco-systems than about using American oil. That’s simply unpatriotic,” said Senator Boehner of Ohio.

Senator Barack Obama stated he is against more drilling. Senator McCain said he strongly supports unrestricted drilling. “At first I was against the drilling,” McCain said, “but now I’m for it. Besides, when it comes to drilling, I can do it in a more manly, less bitter way than Barack Obama even if we have to drill for a hundred years before we find anything.”