GOP: THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS THE LACK OF FEAR ITSELF
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – Facing the possibility of losing the White House and more seats in the House and Senate this fall, Republican leaders have blamed a lack of focus for their erosion of power. “We have spent too much time on war mongering and not enough on fear mongering,” said Newt Gingrich, “and our whole rise to power has been based upon fear.” Gingrich cited the gains made in the past by the GOP when they were able to sway voters into their camp based upon fear of Communists, gays, terrorists, and brown-skinned illegals speaking Spanish in the workplace.

“The only way we can lose the war on terror,” said John Boehner of Ohio, “is to not be terrified enough.” “Thanks to Barack Obama, we still have fear of the black man to exploit,” said Karl Rove, “but we sure have a lot of work to do on building fear back up to level red.” President Bush has pledged to aid his ailing party. “The least that I can do,” Bush said, “is to put my stamp of veto on any bill not scary enough to make people remember that we are in a war where we are the good guys who are willing to torture, kill and distructify for peace, justice and the American way of corporate life.” GOP party leaders have pledged to do what they can to activate their base with their tried and true base tactics in time for the fall elections.