BUSH REFLECTS ON PRESIDENCY: SOME OF MY FAILURES HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL
By R J Shulman
CRAWFORD, Texas – In an exclusive interview with the Post Times Sun Dispatch, President George W. Bush reflected his Presidency as it nears its end. “Reflecticating back on my years as the decider,” Bush said, “there have been some high moments and some that seemed not to be so high, but were in fact successful failures. Now, first off,” Bush said, “People say I am concerned about my legacy. Now I don’t know why they call it a legacy, as a leg is not that important as you can be down one leg and still kick someone, but a head is more important as you can’t kick someone if you are missing your head, so it shouldn’t be called a legacy, but a headicy.”

“Now some naysayers say that Katrina wasn’t handled well by me,” Bush continued, “but now they can build luxury high rise hotels in place of the old blight and Trent Lott gets a new porch, which is a good thing as his old none wasn’t holding up too good and could have collapsed on some of them dogs he keeps under there. Now, the American people must understand that Brownie really did do a heck of a job as we were able to aid a third world country, New Orleans with some trailers that had a little extra naugahyde in them.”

The President also addressed criticism that he has received for announcing that the mission in Iraq was accomplished when the bulk of the death and destruction followed that statement. “Now on this mission accomplished thing,” Bush explained, “it really was accomplished. See, the mission was for me to be a war president, and how could I be one if the war ended lickity split, so the mission was not to win the war in Iraq but to keep it going so I could be a war president for a long time.”

Bush also reflected on his accomplishments with the economy. “It’s a good thing that the economy is rough on the middle class,” Bush said, “because when the going gets tough, the tough get to do things. It’s important for Americans not to get too lazy and take a lot of vacations on their ranches clearing brush, no, they have to do it the old fashioned way by earning it and I would like to say more but my daddy’s friends have a big surprise for me at some fancy hotel ballroom.”