OBAMA’S CONVENTION SPEECH MOVED TO STADIUM: McCAIN’S TO LARRY CRAIG MEMORIAL BATHROOM
By R J Shulman
DENVER - Barack Obama will accept his party’s nomination before nearly 76,000 people as the venue for his speech has been moved from the Pepsi Center to Invesco Mile High Stadium. “By bringing the last night of the convention to the people, we will be showcasing Obama as a man of the people,” said Democratic National Chairman Howard Dean, “beside if you scream into the microphone like I did in 2004, it sounds a lot better in a big stadium.”

By contrast, John McCain has announced that he will move his party’s acceptance speech from the Xcel Energy Center in Minneapolis on September 4th to the Larry Craig Memorial Bathroom at the Minneapolis International Airport. “We like the more intimate setting of the bathroom than the largeness of the Xcel Center,” said RNC co-Chairman Jo Ann Davidson, “besides it will save on global warming as the bathroom has only six lights, as opposed to the Center’s hundreds of thousands, and McCain can speak directly to an important part of the Republican base, closeted homosexuals who hate themselves.”

“He will be able to tap into the wide stance he takes on the three most important issues facing Americans today,” said Senator Craig. “which are how I am not gay, I never have been gay and how much I love my wife.”