LATEST RUNNING OF THE BULL IN WASHINGTON INJURES SCORES, WOUNDS CONTITUTION
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – In the Annual Running of the Bull, many people were injured as they tried to flee from the bull emanating from the Nation’s Capital. “This is the most bull I’ve ever witnessed,” said Tony Clarendon of Teaneck, New Jersey who was on vacation, “I was admiring the Lincoln Memorial when some bull about the reason we invaded Iraq was to bring them democracy just about knocked me off my feet.”

Clarendon’s tale is not a singular one. “The bull that the surge is working pined me up against a wall,” said Brian Dorsey, a DC resident who was treated for cuts and bruises. “When all that bull about there being no global warming bore down on me, I thought I was a goner,” said Ralph Diamond of Grayson New Mexico. “This bull denying climate change has badly gored the planet,” said former Vice President Al Gore.

While there were hundreds of injuries, the most seriously hurt was the Constitution. “Freedom of the Press took it in the shorts,” said Henry Betancourt, Professor of Media at Columbia University. Also taking direct hits were the Fourth Amendment when the bull from the Bush White House said, “we don’t need no stinkin’ warrants,” and the Sixth Amendment’s guarantee of right to a fair trial, knowing what your are accused of, and right to an attorney got trampled by the massive bull from Guantanimo.

The Running of the Bull dates back to the founding of the District of Columbia but came to prominence ion 1973 when Richard Nixon said, “I am not a crook.” The last fatality in the Running of the Bull was The Truth, which died on September 11, 2001.