WHILE OBAMA’S AWAY, McCAIN DISCOVERS THE INTERNET, FIRE AND THE WHEEL
By R J Shulman
PHOENIX – Taking advantage of the absence of Barack Obama, who is on a tour of the Middle East, presumptive GOP Presidential candidate John McCain is wasting no time making his own headlines back home. “Frankly, John needed this uninterrupted time to catch up on a few things,” said McCain spokesman Ron Duff.

In addition to the highly publicized story that McCain had taken his first visit to the internet, the Post Time Sun Dispatch has learned that the Arizona Senator has tried his hand at a video game. “That pong is sure a fast paced game,” said an out of breath McCain. “That was almost as fascinating as when I rubbed two sticks together yesterday and got some smoke and eventually a jumping bit of light that gave off heat. My aids called it fire.”

McCain also marveled at how easy it was to move objects or travel from place to place if you employed large round objects. “Ha, ha,” McCain said, “I’m gonna be a big wheel someday.” McCain plans to end the week with a whirlwind trip to Colorado, a key swing state,where he will visit Dinosaur National Park and then go to Denver where he will buy himself a Fossil watch.