PRESIDENT BUSH TO HEAD NEW SHIFT OF BLAME FOUNDATION
By R J Shulman
FAULTLINE, Utah – It was announced today that President Bush will take on a new Presidency once his term of office is over. He has been named as the President select of the Shift of Blame Foundation, better known as the SOB. “George W. Bush has done such an amazing job his whole life of shifting the blame for all of his incompetence and misdeeds,” said SOB founder Henry Kissinger, “that he is a natural for the job.” The top position of the influential conservative think tank has been vacant since it’s last President, Randy “Duke” Cunningham began his prison sentence last year for corruption and bribery.

Past successes of the SOB Foundation included blaming the problems with the Iraq war and occupation on those that didn’t support the surge rather than on President Bush who invaded the wrong country without adequate plans. “It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose, it’s how you shift the blame,” said Bill O’Reilly, a member of the board of directors of SOB, “so blaming Hurricane Katrina on gays for their wicked lifestyle is what I’m talking about.”

The foundation is currently in a major campaign to blame Barack Obama for the high gas prices, shifting the blame from greedy oil companies who are raking in record profits to the Illinois Senator for not supporting unfettered oil exploration. “Looks like we have drilled Obama on this one,” said former Secretary of the Interior and founding SOB member James Watt, “as the polls show Americans want to lift the ban on drilling.” SOB is also responsible for the drive to shift the blame from in the mortgage crisis from the lenders who used questionable practices to the borrows who were too stupid to read the fine print.

“We are pleased that we will have such a high profile leader,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, who is now acting SOB Vice President since Scooter Libby had to resign, “With so many of the old guard dying, such as Jesse Helms or attrition due to those leaving for prison like Ted Stevens, we need strong leadership at SOB to recruit our next generation of Shift the Blamers or SOBs. It’s been hard being short of SOBs, especially since there has been so much blame that needs to be moved to others lately. We’ve actually been running out of ideas for blame shifting,” Chaney said, “but I suppose, if you will, when all else fails, blame the Jews.”

President Bush said he was so pleased that he was selected that he will finish writing a new handbook for the foundation called, My Pet Scapegoat. Bush told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “If I could feel humbleness, I would feel the pain on being selecticated to this high post. Who would have thunk that I would be the head of a think tank.”