SNUBBED BY BLACK VOTERS, McCAIN SEEKS ELUSIVE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN VOTE
By R J Shulman
PRAGUE, Oklahoma – After failing to make headway with black voters, John McCain is now focusing on securing the support of the Czechoslovakian vote. “My friends of the Slavic persuasion,” McCain told a crowd of 12 in this central Oklahoma town, “I want you to know I fully support the removal of Soviet troops from Czechoslovakia.”

McCain, who spoke at an NAACP function last week, explained to the predominately African American audience why he voted against making a national holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “The other senators wanted only a day to honor Dr. King,” he said, “but I was holding out to have an entire week in his honor.” “Those people didn’t seem to hear me,” McCain told the Post Times Sun Dispatch, “but if they had just put down their crack pipes for a moment, they would have seen that I am not prejudiced.”

McCain supporters note that while Barack Obama is leading with the black vote, he has lost some ground with certain white voters when he said their bitterness sometimes makes them turn to the bible and to guns. As Dwayne Perkins of Latrobe, Pennsylvania said, “when that Barack fellah said them things about me and my kin getting bitter, it made me so sour I just wanted to grab the Good Book and start shooting.”

In addition to McCain’s announced Czechoslovakian strategy, his aides say he will target the Yugoslavian vote and will also seek support from people who use slide rules and typewriters. Disputing criticism that he is behind the times, McCain said, “I’ll just jump on the old telegraph and let everyone know that I am one hep cat.”