INSPIRED AT BEIJING, BUSH PROPOSES GREAT LEAP FORWARD FOR US ECONOMY
By R J Shulman
BEIJING – President Bush’s visit to the Beijing Olympics had an unexpected consequence today as the President was so impressed with the economic growth he saw in China that he has announced plans to “bringicate the same prosperousness” back TO the US. “They actually manufacticate stuff here,” Bush said outside a Beijing paint factory, “and sell it to us in the US. That seems to be more sensicle than what we have been doing which is to shipicate our jobs overseas. I am going to call my new economy plan the great leap forward, “Bush said, “and will start with a Five Year Plan that will take five years.”

“The President’s bold new plan will turn our prisons into factories, and will put idle children to work in factories,” said White House Press Secretary Dana Perino. “Kids playing midnight basketball doesn’t help the GNP, but having them work the midnight shift at a ball bearing plant does.”

Other parts to the President’s plan call for the relaxation of all health and safety rules to allow for maximum profit and to finally get rid of the last bit of a stranglehold that the Constitution and Federal Civil Rights Acts has on corporations making some real money.

“The children of today are the future of tomorrow,” Bush told a gathering of United States Athletes, “sos I want to plan a strategy on putting a future into tomorrow with my new economics and you athletic types can help by cheerleading us to Olympic gold bands,” Bush said. The President also told American Olympic competitors that they had better win the most gold or they just might have to complete their training in some empty cells in Guantanamo. “If they don’t win the most metals, they’ll have a lot of explaining to do,” sad Dick Cheney, five time gold medalist in the synchronized waterboarding event.