IF RICE PEACE TALKS FAIL, BUSH TO SEND TROOPS TO GEORGIA VIA IRAN
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON - President Bush stepped up his pressure for Russia to cease all hostility toward the former Soviet Republic of Georgia. “I am prepared to lead a mission accomplished against you if you do not cease firing with a cease fire,” Bush told Russian leaders. Bush has sent Condoleezza Rice, John Bolton and Eric Pomoroy, better known in wrestling circles as the Mad Russian to broker a peace between Russia and Georgia.

“If I can’t kick those idiot Commie asses into a peaceful solution,” Bolton said, “we will have no choice but to send our troops to blow up some Ruskie booty.” The Bush Administration has indicated that it has troops ready to invade Georgia after they travel through Iran to get there. “The idea of going to Georgia through Iran has a two fold purpose,” said Vice President Dick Cheney, “it saves fuel to go on a more direct route, and we can also look for those weapons of mass destruction we know Iran has.”

The original cease fire, brokered by the French does not seem to be holding. “Them French are so good at surrendering you’d of thought all that peace and appeasement they were talking about would have worked,” Bush said yesterday, “but listen to me, you Frenchies, if we want Brie we’ll call you, otherwise, butt out.”

Barack Obama said he was against any American military action in the dispute. John McCain said that he was ready to lead the troops into battle no matter how much the boarder had changed since the last time he looked at the map of the Soviet Union. Besides,” McCain said, “Randy will know what to do in that region.” McCain was referring to Randy Scheunemann, his top foreign policy advisor who is also the top Washington lobbyist for the Republic of Georgia. When asked if his advisor had a conflict of interest, McCain said, “you should know it’s good for America to be interested in conflicts.”