MAN SUES OBAMA BECAUSE HE DIDN’T GET TEXT MESSAGE
By R J Shulman
CANTON, Ohio – Manley Scott, a 39 year old out of work bricklayer has filed suit against Barack Obama because he didn’t get a text message announcing Joe Biden as the Illinois Senator’s running mate. “I signed up with Obama’s website in good faith,” Scott said, “and I stayed up all night, but no call, no text. Imagine my horror when that pimply faced Turner kid from next door who was mowing my lawn told me it was Biden.”

“This a classic example of a bait and switch, three card monty type of ponzi scheme,” said Stanley Carson III, Scott’s lawyer. Carson, who was the attorney for Paula Jones in her suit against President Clinton said, “Manley did everything he was supposed to do. Now through gross negligence, Obama has caused great emotional stress to Mr. Scott. I am not sure my client could go back to work even if he could find a job.”

Among other things, Manley is claiming that due to Obama’s inaction he has lost the respect of his friends and that his wife Annette has filed for divorce. “I could take him being out of work, and drinking and getting a little violent,” Annette Scott said, “but when he was not man enough to be the first to know who was Obama’s running mate, I knew our marriage was over.”

“First he says he’ll send Manley a text message, then he changes his mind and doesn’t,” said Sean Hannity of Fox News, “this kind of flip flopping is proof Obama is not ready to be President.” “Textgate is a classic example of why Obama is not fit to be commander in chief,” said John McCain from one of his many houses, “when we should be bombing Iran, he would be fiddling with one of those new fangled cell phones, trying to order some arugula.”

Obama aids have apologized to Mr. Scott saying they don’t know what happened as they believe they had dialed his number. “We are looking into the cause of this,” said Henry Franklin, of the Obama campaign, “we think it may have been that Mr. Scott hadn’t paid his phone bill and Verizon had shut off his service.”

Republican leaders are contemplating brining impeachment proceedings against Obama. Nancy Pelosi said she is very upset Mr. Scott did not get his message and she said that impeachment may be back on the table, as long as it is impeachment of a fellow Democrat.