TEXT OF ORIGINAL McCAIN SPEECH REVEALED
By R J Shulman
ST. PAUL, Minnesota –(PTSD News) The Post Times Sun Dispatch has obtained a copy of the original speech that John McCain was prepared to give at the Republican National Convention last night. However, a call from an unnamed Republican leader who telephoned from a bunker in Wyoming persuaded McCain to give the substitute speech that he ultimately gave to the partisan crowd.

The Post Times Sun Dispatch was able to retrieve the last known copy of McCain’s original speech from an unnamed reliable source. Here are some of the highlights:

My friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my goddamed friends – there - I got that out of the way. I say “my friends” because if I didn’t, I would think you were all my frickin’ enemies and I would have to fight you, which is the theme of my speech. Fight, fight, fight. I want you to fight with me.

And I should know about fighting. There is a little known fact that I never like to talk about, but I was a prisoner of war in Viet Nam. So I won’t mention that I was a POW. And as a POW, which I won’t bring up, that gives me the experience and temperament to be a leader. And in order to give Americans the chance to grow up to be leaders, I will make all of you prisoners of war – prisoners of my wars. First we’ll fight in Iraq for a hundred years. Then we will go to war against Iran and Syria, and North Korea and North Dakota if they don’t vote for me.

Now some have criticized me for being to old. Hell, its not me that’s too old, it’s Cindy. So that is why I chose Sarah Palin. She is just the right partner to help lead the charge in this fight. Did I mention that I wasn’t going to say I was a POW?

We Republicans believe in family values like marriage before sex, unless it’s the Vice President’s family and we Republicans believe in judges who don’t legislate from the bench, unless its to put George W. Bush in office and we Republicans don’t believe in corrupt politicians getting away with it, unless it’s me and the other Keating five and we Republicans believe in… I forget, so I’ll just wave the flag and say fight, fight, fight.

Now about partisanship and change. I don’t believe in partisanship, but I believe in change. So if I am elected President I will outlaw the other party so there will be no party bickering. How is that for a change? Did I mention I was a POW?

You can get a copy of the whole text of this original speech by visiting cheneypleaseshootmeintheface.com.