McCAIN NOW THE CANDIDATE OF CHANGE AND OF HOPE, WILL SOON BE THE BLACK CANDIDATE
By R J Shulman
WATSEKA, Illinois (PTSD News) – If you can’t beat ’em, join ‘em, if you can’t join ‘em, co-opt ‘em. That seems to be the strategy of the McCain campaign. “We are the real candidates of change,” McCain told a crowd in this small Midwest city, “just like we are the real candidates of hope.” “And I am the real rock star,” said Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin, who has been accompanying the Arizona Senator.

“Our plan is simple,” said Steve Schmidt, McCain campaign manager. “Whatever Obama has been successful with, McCain and Palin will claim as theirs. This will get the voters so confused that the vote will be basically equal, and then we can make the Republicans more equal than the Democrats when the votes are counted, if you get what I mean.”

“So far it has been working,” Schmidt said. “McCain/Palin are now the candidates of change, even though they support current policies. Heck, McCain has trouble changing his socks these days and Palin’s idea of change is to for everyone to change into a person of her faith. Now John and Sarah are talking hope, saying 'yes, we can' while Palin can now claim to be the celebrity. The last step in this plan will be for McCain to become the black candidate.”

“It should be hep to be a black man,” McCain said. “I’ll finally be able to loosen up my booty which right now is wound tighter than a giant alarm clock about to ring in the apocalypse.” According to Schmidt, McCain will announce that he is black at a rally in Selma, Alabama, an important historical location for the civil rights movement. “I am going to say to all my friends there,” said McCain, “my friends, my friends, I am going to put my foot up the ass of the dumb senator who voted against creating a national holiday for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Ooops, I guess I’ll have to be the contortionist candidate, because that senator was me.”