GOP: DEMS DELIBERATELY TANKED ECONOMY BEFORE ELECTION
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON (PTSD News) – Republican leaders have blasted the Democrats, accusing them of causing the current massive financial crisis for political gain. “This is a new low in election politics,” said House Minority leader John Boenher of Ohio, “The Democrats have purposely caused this massive upheaval on Wall Street as a September surprise, to frighten voters into voting for them on the phony issue of the economy, when they should be making their choice based upon important issues, like lipstick, which 60’s radical lives on the same block as Obama, and which vice presidential candidate looks hotter.”

“This is another example of how Democrats think of party first and America last,” Senator John McCain told a small lunch crowd at Skippie’s Deli, in La Junta, Colorado, where his was campaigning. “Thank God, try as they may, they can’t blame me for this crisis,” McCain said, “because I don’t know enough about the economy to know how to have messed it up.”

President Bush, who spent the day scrambling around to get someone other than his dad or the Supreme Court to bail him out of yet another mess, is now asking all Americans to pitch in. “By putting all American’s tax dollars hard at work, we can teach American personal responsibility by bailing out Freddy Mae, Bear Lehman and that Insurance Company in time for them to ship their jobs to countries where they can afford to pay workers. Now these American hating Democrats are saying bailing out Wall Street is an unprecedented move, but I tell you those traitors have been trying to un-precident me ever since I was placed in office. But I am still the President and still the decider and I have decided that after all that I have done for the American people, that they do something for me. You know, the old saying, I think it was John Kennedy or Dan Quayle, ‘ask not what tax rebate your country can do for you but what your tax dollars can do for your country.’”

Republican leaders will ask congress to start an investigation into any Democratic interference with the financial sector. “The economy was not supposed to blow up until at least late December, well after the elections,” said Ronald Stark of the Republican National Committee. “But we have good evidence that certain paid operatives of the Democratic party forced lenders to make these bad loans in a manner that would make them explode before the election.