McCAIN SUSPENDS CAMPAIGN, RETURNS TO DC BECAUSE “THEY NEED A SENATOR WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT THE ECONOMY TO FIX THE FINANCIAL CRISIS”
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – John McCain announced that he will not participate in Friday’s scheduled debate with Barak Obama and that he is suspending his campaign until there is a fix to the financial crisis gripping Wall Street. “I’m putting my country first by going back to Washington to whip the economy back into shape,” McCain said. “While Obama is being political and selfish by choosing to waste America’s time with a frivolous debate about where the candidates stand on the issues, I will be in Washington with my sleeves rolled up, fighting the economy until we win, even if it takes one hundred years.”

Barack Obama said that he plans to be there for the debate and told Senator McCain. "Since Washington needs you so badly and you cannot participate in the presidential debate, just send Sarah Palin in your place. She should be able to participate in the debate unless she's called back home because Russia has invaded Alaska."

“I think that Senator McCain from Colorado has correctly got it right,” said President Bush. “In fact, I am announcing today that not only are the debates called off due to the economy being bad, but I am cancelcating the presidential election until we get the do nothing Democrats in Congress to golden parachute my friends on Wall Street. And while we wait, I have graciously offered to fill in as the President until all that economic fixing is finished.”