McCAIN RAISES WHITE FLAG, CUTS AND RUNS FROM MICHIGAN
By R J Shulman
DETROIT (PTSD News) – John McCain announced today that his campaign is retreating from Michigan. “It’s no big deal we are pulling out,” McCain said, “because there are other places to continue our battle. We are moving our forces into Maine, Wisconsin, Czechoslovakia, and on the border between Iraq and Pakistan. The surge is already working in Maine,” McCain said. “I can now walk safely on the streets of downtown Portland.”

“This hockey mom will never surrender,” Sarah Palin said. “In fact, we are moving some of our resources from Michigan to my house so we can see better what those Russians are up to.”

Some Republicans have quietly expressed concern over McCain’s sudden withdrawal from Michigan, fearing this will embolden the enemy. “Now that we have had this precipitous pullout from Michigan,” said Mike DuHaime, chairman of the Michigan McCain campaign, “I am afraid that we are about to see Obama signs pop up on lawns from Muskegon to Flint.”