GOP CLOSE TO SELECTION OF OCTOBER SURPRISE
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – Sources close to Republican party leadership say that they are close to making the final selection for this election season’s October surprise. “This year presents a special challenge due to the Democrat caused September surprise of the economy meltdown which has dealt a tough blow to McCain,” said Dick Cromwell, a senior Republican strategist.

“We’ve narrowed it down to either the invasion of Iran, the bombing of a domestic landmark or the outbreak of the bird flu in the U.S., preferably in a blue state,” said Bascombe Tinsdale, Vice Chairman of the Republican party. Karl Rove told Fox News that he was not involved with Republican strategy anymore, but that if he was he would suggest that the GOP may need to use all three October Surprises because, “McCain and Palin have messed it up so badly. There are only so many votes you can steal, you know.”

“Maybe we can cancel or postpone the election until the financial crisis is solved,” said Mary Randolph, chairman of the Montana Republicans. Her idea was welcomed by President Bush who said, “I second that emotion as I could sure use more time to finish the privicating of socialist security by putting that money on Wall Street to help the financial crisis. You know that would kill two stones with one bird, and I’d like to be the one to give America the bird.”