McCAIN LAMENTS HE CHOSE PALIN OVER ADVICE TO PICK MARIAH CAREY
By R J Shulman
PHOENIX – (PTSD News) In an exclusive to the Post Times Sun Dispatch, Senator John McCain admits he went against his party and his own advisor when he made the last minute choice of Sarah Palin for his running mate. “The press thinks I was going to choose that turncoat Lieberman or that ridiculous Romney, but I was urged to pick Mariah Carey and I am now sorry I failed to do so.”

“They said I needed a woman running mate, to get the Hillary supporters and one that was young and hot to get the men excited. I liked Sarah because she likes to drill and kill things, but in hindsight Mariah would have been better. Mariah is certainly as qualified as Sarah to be vice president. Actually, she’s more so, as she has visited more foreign countries than Sarah. Mariah can certainly sing a great Star Spangled Banner and as far as I know, Mariah never tried to have her brother-in-law fired.”

“We wish John wasn’t such a stubborn twit,” said Harold Ramsey, a Republican strategist, “Nobody has more number one hits than Mariah except the Beatles and Mariah could have helped split the youth vote, not to mention the black vote.” Ramsey mentioned that other than a couple of country singers, McCain has nobody and he already has the redneck vote rapped up, at least those that are not too drunk or too busy beating their wives to show up to vote.

A spokesman for Mariah Carey said that was the first they had heard of any interest from McCain. He said he doubted she would have accepted given her strong record of support of philanthropic issues that seem diametrically opposed to the Republican platform.