GOP ACCUSES ACORN OF STEALING THEIR THUNDER

By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News) – The Republican party has launched a major attack against ACORN, charging them with trying to steal the election for Barack Obama. “Their conduct is outrageous,” said Steve Schmidt of the McCain campaign, “we have worked so hard to steal this election fair and square that to have this group of pipsqueak upstarts trying to steal it back is beyond the pale.”

“This is much ado about nothing, said Bertha Lewis, chief organizer for ACORN who has helped register over a million voters in the past two years. “We always flag names on our list that are suspect. For example, if the name Elvis Presley shows up, we mark it and inform the local registrar of the suspicious nature of the entry. There is no problem here with voter fraud. Elvis is not going to show up to vote. Elvis has left the building.”

“Elvis not voting, my ass,” said Rick Davis, McCain campaign manager. “That’s how they plan to win Nevada with all those Elvis impersonators just waiting to cast an illegal vote for Obama.”Senator McCain said, “if I lose this election, it will be because ACORN stole the election for that one.” “I know all about this voter fraud thing, doggone it,” said Sarah Palin. “Because I can see an acorn from my house.”

“The most amazing aspect about ACORN is all the press this is generating,” said Miriam Montana of the media watchdog group, Sterling Consulting, “there has not been one provable case of an actual fraudulent vote caused by ACORN, yet there was practically no press when there was credible evidence that the last two presidential elections were stolen by the Republicans with voter caging, black box voting irregularities and other voter suppression tactics that stole millions of votes. I guess these days it is OK I you steal big,” Montana continued, “just look at the financial crisis and the bank bailout. If you steal a loaf of bread and get caught, you go to jail, if you steal the bakery, you get more dough.”When asked about the voter fraud charges against ACORN, Karl Rove said, “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”