US SUPREME COURT TO START NEW SEASON WITH HIGH HOPES OF MAKING PLAYOFFS

by R J Shulman

Fans showing support for Supreme Court

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After a bruising season last year, that featured close calls and narrow losses, the United States Supreme Court opens its new season today with high expectations. “We think we have a winning team that can achieve victory,” said Chief Justice John Roberts, “this year we should be able to strip away more pointless rights unfairly claimed by some of our most undeserving citizens.”

“I am hoping we can uphold the use of voter ID’s,” said Justice Clarence Thomas who has just released a book of memoirs entitled Call Me Mr. Uncle Thomas, “it has been a tradition to be able to block certain undesirable people from voting and I hope to be able to hit this one out of the park for Jim Crow when I get to decide this case.” He was referring to Crawford v. Marion County, and Indiana case which deals with a law that requires a person to show a picture ID before being allowed to vote.

Another case involves whether foreign nationals held in Guantanimo have a right to plead their innocence before a judge. “I think we have enough good talent coming from the bench to strike out the Gitmo complainers before they can get to first base,” said Justice Antonin Scalia.

“I am confidentiality of my team,” said Manager George W. Bush, “that they will be able to wrong all the rights we want to defeat. Team owners, Exxon, GE and Halliburton echoed their enthusiasm. “We finally have the right line up to utterly crush the opposition,” said Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson.