TASERS NOW TO BE USED IN PRESIDENTIAL PRESS CONFERENCES
By R J Shulman

Reporter tased after asking Bush the wrong

question

WASHINGTON – D.C. - After the successful use of a taser against Andrew Meyer a twenty-one year old student at a University of Florida campus forum who had asked John Kerry a few uncomfortable questions, the White House has announced that the taser will be used against any reporter who asks unauthorized or inconvenient questions. “We saw how well this worked in Florida,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “so now we will start using it whenever the President has a press conference. Soon,” Perino continued, “the halls around Washington will ring with the cry, ‘don’t tase me, bro.” Perino was referring to the frantic request made by Meyer as the University of Florida police subdued him with the taser.

“There is nothing specifically in the Constitution that says that a Presidential press room is part of the free speech zone as designated by the Commander in Chief,” said an unnamed Bush Administration official, “and in keeping with being compassionate conservatives, the President’s order to use the taser should prove to be a humane way to preserve the sanctity of our leader’s press conferences, certainly more humane than the original suggestion from Dick Cheney.” “How else,” the President said, “can I catapult the propaganda to stay the course as the decider and commander guy to surge away in Iraq because oceans no longer protect us from killers who want to stop the OBGYN’s from practicing their love of women all over this great country of ours ensuring us the opportunity to have food on our families.”