BUSH: ANYONE FALSELY ACCUSING ME OF RUNNING A FASCIST COUNTRY WILL BE TAKEN AWAY AT NIGHT AS ENEMY COMBATANT

By R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - In an announcement today that President Bush directed at some of his fiercest critics, the President told reporters, "The false accusers saying I am a dictator will be dealt with swifty as I have decided that all people who think that will be silenced sos we can continue the haromification of our great coutry."

"Those that have been comparing the Bush Administration with Nazi Germany are way off base," said outgoing Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow. "In Germany, they called it Fatherland Security, while here we call it Homeland Security. Futher Hitler's preemtive blitzkreig was on Poland, while our shock and awe was on Iraq. And there is another big difference because because unlike with Hitler, Poland was our ally."

"I think the major difference between Bush and Hitler," said recently exiled Yale Professor Thaddeus Mellon, "is that Hitler actually won an election."