GENERAL PATRAEUS: EEEEEOOWWW! THE SURGE IS WORKING

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON - In a much anticipated report regarding Iraq, General Patraeus was heard to say, "eeeeeeooWWW, the surge is working. The surpisingly short report, transcribed by an unnamed White House official, may be misleading, according to a hightly reliable source. "Patraus was not talking about the troop surge in Iraq, but an electical surge flowing through him from terminals attached to his head, nipples and genitalia." Also surprising is that the General was expected to report that the mission in Iraq was failing, but for some unknown reason, Patraeus seems to have abruptly changed his mind.

While there was no confirmaton or denial from the White house, it was learned that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was present when Patraeus' changed his report. However, Gonzales could not recall what had taken place. Vice President Dick Cheney did say that he believed that "Patraeus' insurgency was was in its final throes."

The While House will be presenting the Patraeus report on September 11 to Congress, who is expected to roll over and continue to support whatever insanity the President decides.