PETRAEUS' FAVORABLE REPORT OF SURGE CAUSES CHENEY TO CANCEL PLANNED HUNTING TRIP

by R J Shulman

CHEYANNE - Wyo - Vice President Dick Cheney announced that a hunting trip he had planned with General David Patraeus will be cancelled. "When I heard that the General said the surge was working," the Vice President said, "that was all I needed to know that our hunting trip would not be necessary. I was really looking forward to a kind of face to face, if you will, but I guess I 'll have to go hunting with some of the Air America radio staff instead."

Also reported cancelled after Patraeus' generally favorable report on the war in Iraq was a planned hands on demonstraton to Patraeus of prison reform to be performed by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Gonzales reported that he would use his newly freed up schedule to spend more time torturing someone else's family.

General Patraeus, who had originally indicated that there were a myriad of problems in Iraq that were not being solved by the troop surge, changed his position. He made it clear that despite rumors to the contrary, he wrote the report himself without any assistance, suggestions or direction from the Bush Administration. "I am my own man," he said, "who would rather go hunting by himself."