BUSH: I WANT TO SPEECHIFY THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ON THE PROGRESS ON THE PROGRESS IN IRAQ

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON, DC - President Bush remained upbeat that his speech to the nation today will "cause dispellification of the rumors that there has been no progress in getting the American people to see that there is progress on the progress messgage that we are making progress in Iraq. There has been so much progress," the President will say," that sometime next year, I will be able to draw down the number of times I have to say 'we're making progress,' and may be able to pull out of saying so many times, 'if we don't fight them over there, we will have to fight them here."

"In fact," the President said, "we are so full of progess that you might even call us progressives if the defeatocrat liberals hadn't theived that name for themselves." The President will state that it may be up to the next President "to fully progress the situation in Iraq. Besides," he will say according to the advance text obtained by the Post Times Sun Dispatch, "we may have to set up a situation where will have to start making progress in Iran."

The President will also claim that there has been political progress in Iraq that he will describe as "bottom up political progress." In the Democratic resonse, Senator Harry Reid of Nevada will claim that "bottom up" means that the lie will come out of Bush's bottom like a silent but deadly weapon of mass destruction and be repeated by the right wing media, but it will fall flatulent on the American public who will know right away that something stinks."