O J SIMPSON CHARGED WITH TRYING TO STEAL BACK HIS BLOODY GLOVE

by R J Shulman

LAS VEGAS, Nev. - Las Vegas police have confirmed that the suspect that they caught breaking into a sports memorabilia store was in fact O J Simpson. "We saw a man with size 13 shoes stumble out of the mall and into a white Ford Bronco. It was easy to catch him as he drove slow," said officer Jose Valdez of the Las Vegas Police, "so damn slow that a little old lady with blue hair was honking at him to get the lead out."

At first, authorites thought Simpson was looking to retrive some of his sports memorabilia that had been confiscated while he was on trial for the muder of his wife, Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman, but police soon realized that Simpson's real target was a bloody glove. "When we caught him," said officer David Summerville, "my partner and me couldn't help but notice on how well that glove fit his hand."

"The public seems to be split on whether Simpson is entitled to his glove," said ESPN radio host Tony Cornheiser, "as it seems that most white listeners say he should be prosecuted for theft, while many of our black listeners say, 'he should keep it because he paid for the motha - frikkin glove."