CONGRESS EXPRESSES OUTRAGE OVER MOVE-ON PETRAEUS AD, AS WELL AS OUTRAGE FOR ADS FOR MCDONALDS AND TAMPONS

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a vote of 72-15, the Democratically contollled congress passed a resolution outlining their outrage at a Move-On New York Times advertisement that said, "General Petraeus, or General Betray us?" "Why stop at that tasteless ad," said Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton who sponsored the amendment that added McDonald's and makers of Tampons to the list of censured adds , "when you have commericals for food that tastes bad and for personal hygiene objects that are in bad taste."

"In fact," said Senator Kerry, "there are so many of these unsavory ads that we will have to spend the next five years perfecting this list of unacceptable advertisements." "I can't beleive the thoughtlessness and sheer udacity," said Senator Pete Dominici of New Mexico, "of running adds depicting the use of Tampons when our children might be watching."

"Congrees has so much work in front of it condemning outrageous commercials," said Wallace Starland of the Brookings Institute, "that it probably will not be able to tackle issues like our occupation of Iraq, health care reform, trade imbalance, the devaluation of the dollar, crumbling infrastructure or anything else that matters for at lest sixty years." "It's a shame that Congress will be too busy condemning ads, that it won't have time to preserve the right of free speech," said an unnmamed White House spokesperson who immediately and suddenly vanished.