MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS PREVENTS RUSH LIMBAUGH FROM SERVING IN IRAQ TO ROOT OUT PHONY SOLDIERS

by R J Shulman

BOCA RATON, Fl. - Shortly after President Bush announced that he was sending radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh to Iraq to identify "phony" soldiers, Limbaugh said that due to an unnammed illness, he would have to decline serving in Iraq. "I am really disapointicated," said President Bush, "as Rush is the rightest man to determinate the soldiers in Iraq who have phonily taken a position against my specially winnable war."

"I am also very disappointed," said General David Petraeus, "because the Rush on Iraq was working as he made it look like we are winning the war in Iraq and we could have really used his skill to further silence the soldier dissenters who are obstructing our mission in Iraq, which of course, is to make President Bush look good."

Rush Limbaugh has resisted attempts of the press to obtain his medical records, saying "while I support the Administration's rights to wire tap without a warrant and gather information on American citizens whenever it sees fit, that right stops at my medical records." However, the Post Times Sun Dispatch has discovered that Limbaugh's deferrement from serving in Iraq is due to a cyst on his buttocks. An unnamed doctor who treated Mr. Limbaugh has disclosed to P-T-S-D that his condition "was not caused by too much sitting, as much as it was caused by too much lying."