JUDGE REVIEWING LARRY CRAIG GUILTY PLEA DECLARES HIM GAY
By R J Shulman
MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota – After reviewing the evidence in the case regarding Republican Senator Larry Craig’s plea to have his guilty plea overturned, Judge Charles A. Porter, Jr. said, “the evidence is clear, this man is gay and he has always been gay.”

“I was shocked at the ruling,” said Craig’s attorney in an emotional speech at his office, “I expected a finding of Larry being a bisexual at the worst. I certainly expected a bi on the gay thing or at least being gay about a bi ruling.”

Senator Craig was unavailable for comment as he had locked himself in his bathroom closet at his home. “We will certainly know more,” said a close family friend, “when Larry finally comes out of the closet.”