BUSH DISCOVERS COLUMBUS DAY
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush announced that he has just discovered Columbus day. “I was looking at a calendar and discovered there was a Columbus Day,” the President said, “so I want to congratulate all of the Ohioans from Ohio who have a vacation day named after their state capital.”

“I am going to proposicate,” “the President said, “to make a national holiday for all the state capitals, so I will introduce legislation to add Austin day for Texas, New York City day as the Capital of the Entire State, and all them other capitals, you know who they are. This will give me dozens of new holidays to clear brush on my ranch.”

“These new holidays will apply only to the Administrative branch, which for this purpose will include Vice President Dick Cheney,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Parino, “as too many holidays will make the American worker lazy.”