BUSH DECLARES THE SIXTIES ILLEGAL
By R J Shulman
WASHINGTON – In a signing statement on a little heralded bill to continue funding a national study on hemorrhoids of Government Office workers, President Bush declared what happened in the 1960’s not only illegal, but that it never really happened. “If I was able to ignoricate all the doings of that time in my Frat house, it is only common sensical for the rest of the American peoples to also remember to forget that decade of ten lost years. Besides, there are now ten past nine-elevens that we don’t have to think about in our dreams and nightmares anymore.”

“This mass forgetting of the 60’s will remove all the unfair criticism that this President has had to endure by those who claim he hadn’t learned the lessons of Viet Nam in his handling of the Iraq War,” said Presidential Press Secretary Dana Perino, “How can you learn from something that never happened?”

“That means all this political correctness can disappear,” said Fox talk show host Bill O’Reilly, “I can say anything I want about how Negroes eat and can mention how they just might like watermelon and fried chicken without having to hear an earful from liberal sissies.”

“Now Civil Rights can go back to meaning what it used to,” said talk show host Rush Limbaugh, “that we white males have the right to make all those women and colored people act civil and in their place.”

“While this new law may have a dramatic effect on how we will now live our daily lives,” said Yale Historian Creighton Martinson, “it will not effect anyone who truly lived through the sixties as they have forgotten most of it anyway.”