IN WAKE OF REPUBLICAN DEFEAT IN MIDTERM ELECTIONS, BUSH FIRES GOD

By R. J. Shulman

WAHSINGTON - In an announcement from the White House Rose Garden, a subdued President Bush said that he has asked God to resign. “He had been talking to me for years, telling me to invade Iraq as it would be nothing more than a comma in history, that Terry Schaivo was just taking a little nap, and that rich people were in dire need of more money. As you can see, He must of given me bad advice because we Republicans didn’t get enough of the votes coming our way fast enough.” When asked if he was surprised by the election results in which the Democrats have apparently taken control of the House and the Senate, Bush said, “I never saw it coming because I am an optimistically hopeful guy who thinks the best is coming. So when we took a thumpin,’ I started dumping.”

After the Republican defeat at the polls, Bush asked for the resignation of beleaguered Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, yesterday and then today, fired God. “The President will be replacing the Deity, shortly,” said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow. “He has created a task force, headed up by Vice President Dick Cheney to find a new Spiritual All Powerful one,” Snow added. An unnamed White House source has confirmed that Cheney will be recommending himself for the position of the Almighty.