CHENEY ADMITS TO GLOBAL WARMING
By R. J. Shulman

CODY, Wyoming – In a surprise statement, Vice President Dick Cheney admitted today from a bunker near Cody, Wyoming that there may be something to global warming after all. “It’s getting awfully hot in here,” he said over his secure cell phone, “even though I have the refrigeration unit on full bore, if you will.”

While not admitting that the rise in temperature could be from the use of fossil fuels, Cheney mentioned that he has not ruled out the possibility that the heat increase may come from the burning of some compounds such as coal. “I’ve also been keeping track,” he said, “of how many people tell me they feel hot when we're having conversations.”

“I’ve told him [Cheney], that I don’t need his help clearing brush on my ranch,” quipped President Bush, “as that dang pitchfork of his could completely blazify my entire spread.”

Not everyone seems to be concerned with the heat. “It makes me feel alive,” said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, “and I love the smell of sulfur in the morning.”

“The Administration will look into the causes of this increase in temperature, said Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, “and will conduct some faith-based research to exorcise whatever the hell we need to do to get to the bottom of this phenomenon.”