CLARIFICATION OF "HUMAN DIGNITY" SPURS OTHER DIFINTION REQUESTS
by R. J. Shulman

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a recent press conference, President George W. Bush told reporters that the term “human dignity” that appears in Article 3 of the Geneva Convention was ambiguous. “I may have a clue about the word human meaning two legged people types who support me and my war on terror,’ he said, “ but the dignity part has to be better definitioned.” This call for clarity has been echoed by others who are now asking for certain other terms to be better defined.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld asked for a clarification of what some people mean who have called him “criminally incompetent.” “You go to war,” Rumsfeld said, “with the incompetence you have and how can that be a crime?”

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice wants to know what it means when some have claimed she has no soul and forgot what it’s like in the hood. Rice said she wanted a further explanation because it made no sense as "I have plenty of souls on my extensive collection of high quality shoes and I stay in touch with the common man by wearing those white hoods worn by Administration supporters at certain rallies.” Similarly, Senior Presidential Advisor Karl Rove wants to know what a “soul” is.

Vice President Dick Cheney has asked for a clearer definition of the phrase “mass murderer.” “It could mean,” he said, “that a terrorist Islamofascist completely destroys a Catholic ceremony, in which case the term could not apply to me as I am not Muslim.”

Radio talk show host Michael Savage has asked for a better definition of “hate mongerer.” “That is too broad of a term,” he said, “while it wouldn’t apply to me, it would unfair to not narrow the definition as “hate mongerer” would certainly describe every disease-ridden, terrorist, free-loading, Mexican illegal immigrant who can’t wait to sneak over the boarder to have sex with your teenage daughter.”

“There are those who say my son cannot tell the truth,” said Barbara Bush. “But truth is relative and if that particular relative of mine was not installed in the White House by those nice Supreme Court Judges he would have lived an obscure brain-addled life of pure incompetence and destruction. So it all worked out well for my George.”