OBAMA FINDS TED CRUZ BIRTH CERTIFICATE IN CUBA

by R J Shulman

HAVANA – (PTSD- News Service) – It appears that the real reason for President Obama’s visit to Cuba had nothing to do with embargoes, democracy or classic American cars, but was all about retrieving a single document, the real birth certificate of Rafael Edward Cruz, better known as Ted Cruz.  Earlier today, Obama entered the People’s Records and Archives Hall and two hours later emerged with the document that proves Ted Cruz was not born in Canada as he has claimed, but in Havana, making him ineligible to hold the office of President of the United States.

“This was a mission accomplished win, win situation for the United States and our neighbor to the north,” Obama said.  Upon hearing the news, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau agreed.  “This lifts a great shroud of shame off of the citizens of Canada knowing that such a misfit was not born in our country and I can assure you, he will not be let through our borders again.”

GOP front runner Donald Trump felt vindicated, telling Fox News, “now that Cruz is out of the way, I will soon show that Hillary Rodham Clinton was born in a part of Illinois that was not part of the US and that Bernie Sanders is actually Joseph Stalin’s son and was born in Moscow’s Burdenko Hospital in the Soviet Union.”  When asked if the press might question the truth of these new accusations, Trump said, “why should the press start to fact check me now?”