FEDS CANCEL COURT HEARING, WILL GET TERRORIST IPHONE UNLOCKED BY WATERBORDING APPLE CEO

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – In a rare show of bipartisanship, Republicans have come to the aid of the Obama Administration in President’s efforts to access data that may be on the iPhone of one of the San Bernardino shooters as former Vice President Dick Cheney has offered his expertise to personally waterboard Apple CEO Tim Cook.

“Choosing between going through an expensive drawn out trial at tax payer expense with no guaranteed positive outcome as opposed to allowing Vice President Cheney to once again serve his country in the manner he does so well was a no brainer,” said President Obama.

“What I can’t wait to say to that terrorist supporter Tim Cook,” said Cheney, “is how do you like these apples.”