REPUBLICANS SPLIT OVER WHETHER OBAMA OR HILLARY KILLED JUSTICE SCALIA

by R J Shulman

WASHINGTON – (PTSD News Service) – In keeping with the fierce division in the Republican party, GOP presidential candidates disagree on whether Justice Antonin Scalia was murdered by Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton last Saturday.  “This is clearly the handiwork of Barack Hussein Obama,” said Senator Ted Cruz, “because he hates America’s Constitutionally mandated conservative non-New York values so much that he had to eliminate a saintly Christian Supreme Court Justice to try and replace him with an atheist gun hating abortion loving Christmas hating Sharia law loving traditional marriage hating gay wedding loving foreign born satanic communist judge.”

“It was Hillary who did it,” Jeb Bush said. “I know it’s her because my mother and W told me that I can show that I’m my own man by saying it was Hillary.”  Donald Trump said he has his suspicions but ultimately doesn’t care because, “as President, I plan to get Mexicans to build a lovely wall that you will love around both Hillary and Obama to keep them from killing any more conservatives.”

Senator Marco Rubio had a different take saying, “anyone who blames Obama is living in the past and as the conservative leader of the future, I say that we must blame future Democratic presidential hopefuls. Since the 1% would be more likely to support Hillary, it is clear that the other 99% would point to the fact that Justice Scalia was murdered by Bernie Sanders.”