GOODELL SAYS TO COMBAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, TEAMS WILL PLAY WIVES AND CHILDREN IN WEEKLY PRACTICE GAME

by R J Shulman

NEW YORK - (PTSD News Service) – In a special announcement today, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said that starting immediately, all NFL teams must have a weekly scrimmage game in which their opponents will be made up of the players’ wives, girlfriends and children.  “In our serious effort to tackle domestic violence at the NFL, we are requiring families to come together, albeit a bit violently, by having wives, girlfriends and children suit up and play their men and fathers in a sudden death quarter of NFL football,” Goodell said. “All regular NFL rules will apply to these games,” he said.

The purpose behind the “Bitches and Brats” Wednesday Night Football is “to help families let off steam and in the process learn how to play well together,” Goodell said.  “I got this idea when I finally got to see the video of Ray Rice’s then fiancée’s head hit the elevator wall and thought that if this had happened on the football field, it would not only have been accepted by the American public but viewed as a “great hit,” Goodell said.

“I like it,” Rice said.  “I won’t have to worry about hidden cameras anymore when I want to take Janay’s head off as game cameras are always out in the open.”   “I am excited to get back on the field knowing that the game I love is where I’ll have an acceptable place to keep my son in line when he starts acting up,” said Adrian Peterson, a running back for the Minnesota Vikings who got into trouble for hitting his son with a switch.

The broadcast rights to Bitches and Brats Wednesday Night Football was reported to have been sold to Fox Sports for $86 Million dollars.